Why wives find their husbands lazy?

By

Syed Ibrahim Rizvi

Rohit and Rashmi had dated for two years before finally tying the knot. In the two years that preceded their marriage, Rashmi found that Rohit would invariably find excuses to do things that would make Rashmi happy. On her part, Rashmi enjoyed being pampered by Rohit. On occasions when Rashmi would visit Rohit’s home, Rohit would make tea for her and serve her with a smile which was always inviting.

Their marriage, a dream for both of them, had been an eye-opener for both, especially for Rashmi. Within months of the two moving together under a common roof, Rashmi found that Rohit was lazy and was always unenthusiastic in helping out Rashmi with her daily chores.

On a Monday afternoon, when Rohit had gone to the office, Rashmi observed that Rohit had changed a lot after marriage.  Already in a pensive mood, Rashmi decided to call her college friend who had also been married lately. In the conversation that followed, while Rashmi opened up with her thoughts about her husband being lazy with household work, her friend Jyoti also echoed the same sentiments about her husband. Listening to the woes of Jyoti, Rashmi concluded that husbands are invariably lazy.

The story of Rohit, Rashmi, and Jyoti is just a representative of the sentiments of a huge number of housewives who have one common grievance: they find their husbands lazy when it comes to household chores. Interestingly this observation is not only true for our culture but exists all over the world. Married women, more often than not, harbor a grouse towards their husbands for being reluctant to share work at home.

When human behavior transcends the boundaries of different cultures, there has to be a scientific explanation for why this behavior exists. Why is it, to some extent true, that the same male who was head-over-heels in love with his beloved during dating would now become a different person after marriage?

Scientists opine that the queer human behavior of males before and after marriage has a scientific explanation. This is related to the process of mate selection. Humans have been genetically wired to select the best possible mates to fulfill the Darwinian purpose of life, which in simple terms is the need to reproduce. Interestingly the genetic programming of males and females are very different when it comes to mate selection.

The brain of a male is programmed to look out for cues in a prospective female partner which provides information about a possible successful reproductive event. This is the reason why males are always attracted to beautiful female faces. Anything in the female body that appeals to males is somewhere linked to reproduction. Therefore, the priority that a male gives when choosing a mate is beauty.

The emphasis on beauty further explains why a male tries to woo the female with every possible effort before marriage. This act of the male pursuing a female, which is classified as dating in modern terminology, is an evolutionary mechanism that is innately linked to finding the best possible mate. During dating the male is so obsessed with the particular female that he is ready to do all possible sundry chores in the hope of finding his soulmate. One is reminded of the romantic Rajesh Khanna singing ‘mere sapno ki rani, kab aayegi tu’ chasing a blushing Sharmila Tagore in the Bollywood classic Aradhana.

The female behaves quite differently when she starts to find a mate. The female mind is not obsessed with beauty, which is important to some extent but is not her priority. The female looks for cues in the male partner which can give her an indication of support, protection, and security. The female’s obsession with finding a mate that can give support, protection nd security is paramount because for a female the cost of reproduction is very high. A successful reproductive event comes with a nine-month gestation period followed by a long period of taking care of the newborn.

Thus, after marriage, when the factors that were at play during dating are finished, both males and females find themselves in a strange situation. Evolution has made arrangements only up to the time that the male and the female find a partner for reproduction. Evolution has not made any genetic adaptations for life after marriage.

The male loses his urge to pursue the female which he so vigorously dated till a few months back. All the evolutionary forces that were at play during the phase of dating now suddenly waning. Oblivious to the sudden change in the chemical profile of the male brain, the female still looks for the same level of protection and sincerity from her male partner.

In the behavioral aftershocks that follow, the female finds it difficult to explain the change in her husband’s behavior. The female finds that the male partner is now no longer interested in helping her with sundry chores. The female has no other explanation but to say that ‘my husband is lazy’.

(The author is Professor of Biochemistry at University of Allahabad)